I hate to talk about school yet when all of you are still trying to enjoy summer, but it is around the corner and I was reminded of that when talking to a friend about her children's teachers.
Last year, she had trouble with one of her daughter's teachers whose only comments were that her daughter didn't try at all. My friend thought this was odd, given that her daughter had been nominated for student of the week by her primary teacher for completing her homework before any of her classmates.
The primary teacher told my friend not to worry, that this other teacher was "always like that."
This reminded me that we need to be strong advocates for our children throughout school. I don't mean that we should undermine or second guess teachers (my husband is a teacher; let me make that clear), but if we sense a problem between our child and teacher we need to address it as soon as possible.
I actually recommend taking steps before the school year even starts. Some schools allow you to request a certain teacher for your child. Talk to friends whose children have gone through the grade or ask for direction from administrators after explaining your child's potential needs.
Another proactive step is to meet with your child's teacher before the school year begins and ask the teacher about teaching methods, routines and how the teacher handles challenging students. If you sense any red flags, bring them up immediately to the teacher and talk about it.
If you sense resistance from the teacher, explain that you want to ensure that your child and the teacher have a good experience and you want to be available and provide as much information as necessary to support them both.
These steps are especially helpful if you have a child with a feisty or fearful temperament. Feisty children have a lot of energy, may come across as bossy to other children and may need more time for transitions. They can get frustrated if routines change and can tend to rush through activities. Fearful children will need time to warm up to group activities as they adjust to new classmates and the teacher. They like to plan ahead and observe things before jumping into activities.
If you can communicate these characteristics to teachers, they will be more prepared to support your child's learning needs and will appreciate that you took the time to make them aware.
Granted, some teachers may ignore you or unconsciously label your child (or you!) as a potential trouble maker. The best you can do in that situation is to stay calm, invite the teacher to focus on potential solutions instead of rehashing problems and, if necessary, request that your child be moved to another classroom. Remember that you can't change another person, but you can choose to maintain your composure and seek the best options for your child regardless of the challenge.
Stay calm. Stay involved. Stay focused on your child's best interests.
One caveat to that: If your child's behavior IS causing disruption or danger to other students, own and acknowledge that. Then try to move everyone forward to solutions. Between you, teachers and administrators, you can find solutions. Work on discipline consistently between school and home. Try to visit the classroom and observe your child (with and without the child's awareness) so you can get an idea of what might be causing the behavior.
In the end, you know your child best and can support the learning process if you focus on positive action steps. If discussion breaks down into venting and complaining, again stay focused and calm and ask about potential solutions...firmly if necessary.
Another mom I know did have to stand up, take up more space in the room by putting her hands on her hips, lean over an administrator's desk, and use her mean mommy voice on him. It had the desired effect; she had the gentleman's attention! Then they could begin the discussion...calmly. Or schedule another appointment!
If you have had a challenge with a teacher or administrator, I'd like to help. Leave a comment or email me.
Showing posts with label antisocial behavior. Show all posts
Showing posts with label antisocial behavior. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Advocate for Your Child
Just when I thought we were free of health woes for our children...
Four years ago, my second little girl was born with a club foot and other joint contractures, which put us on a long road of medical visits, castings, surgeries and rehab. So watching her smile and interact for the first time — let alone start walking at about 18 months — were joyous and poignant occasions. My husband and I could relax our shoulders and breathe a sigh of relief, feel gratitude that this was nothing compared to the experiences of some parents we saw at the children's clinic and hospital.
This year, we finally paid off the last $100 from her latest foot surgery more than a year ago. We are down to one annual check-up. We know that her physical challenges and doctor visits aren't over, but at least we aren't visiting the clinic every week for another cast. She can take a bath. She can run! Oh, and she's quite the comedienne...typical of the second kid I'm sure. "Look at me! Look at me!"
Now this.
At the last parent/teacher conference, more than one teacher mentioned concerns about our older daughter. She is 7. She reads at a third grade level. She has the imagination of Willy Wonka and the vocabulary of an adult. Just today she told me that she learned what "hypothermia" meant...and proceeded to tell me. This evening she dictated a story to me that she intends to enter in a young writers and illustrators contest.
Her teachers weren't worried about her academics. They were worried about her interactions — or lack thereof — with other children as well as some physical facial tics. So I went online to learn more...and freaked myself out. Is my daughter autistic? Does she have Tourette's? Or is she simply lacking enough spinach in her diet?
My husband and I took her to her pediatrician. The ped assured us that it was probably something she would outgrow. And proceeded to charge us $80 above the well-child visit for her referral to a neurologist. God love her.
Our experiences with specialists in the past steeled us against taking the first answer as the only answer. At one point with our youngest, a neurologist recommended that we sedate her and conduct an MRI to rule out any "syndrome" associated with her joint problems. I walked out angry and refused the test. As far as I can tell today, my 4-year-old daughter is as smart as a whip...and hilarious.
This time, we agreed on a simple option. We started our daughter on multivitamins and a magnesium supplement. After a few weeks, the sometimes wild facial tics began to fade to occasional blinking. When she is tired or has too much sugar, we notice them more. But we're maintaining a vigil for a few months before we consider a CT scan.
As for the anti-social behavior, I see myself in my daughter. I wasn't a team player for a long time. I liked being in charge...or being left alone. As I got older, however, my quirkiness turned to shyness and a defensive arrogance as my peers began to avoid me. I was proud of being smart, but didn't realize that I also needed to be open to the ideas of others. It was a painful road to that realization...one I prefer to make easier on my daughter.
So she isn't autistic. Just feisty and bossy. I can work with that.
Long story short. Before you panic and take the first piece of advice handed down by a teacher, doctor, a wiki or your mother, realize that you know your child best. Be strong. Be a champion for your child's best interests. You'll know the right answer when you find it.
Stay in touch with teachers and ask them to help you find those solutions. Talk things out with your spouse so you are on the same page. Above all, let your children know that you love them any which way they think, talk or walk. You're a team. You'll get through this crazy life together...with lots of patience.
And the occasional brownie.
Four years ago, my second little girl was born with a club foot and other joint contractures, which put us on a long road of medical visits, castings, surgeries and rehab. So watching her smile and interact for the first time — let alone start walking at about 18 months — were joyous and poignant occasions. My husband and I could relax our shoulders and breathe a sigh of relief, feel gratitude that this was nothing compared to the experiences of some parents we saw at the children's clinic and hospital.
This year, we finally paid off the last $100 from her latest foot surgery more than a year ago. We are down to one annual check-up. We know that her physical challenges and doctor visits aren't over, but at least we aren't visiting the clinic every week for another cast. She can take a bath. She can run! Oh, and she's quite the comedienne...typical of the second kid I'm sure. "Look at me! Look at me!"
Now this.
At the last parent/teacher conference, more than one teacher mentioned concerns about our older daughter. She is 7. She reads at a third grade level. She has the imagination of Willy Wonka and the vocabulary of an adult. Just today she told me that she learned what "hypothermia" meant...and proceeded to tell me. This evening she dictated a story to me that she intends to enter in a young writers and illustrators contest.
Her teachers weren't worried about her academics. They were worried about her interactions — or lack thereof — with other children as well as some physical facial tics. So I went online to learn more...and freaked myself out. Is my daughter autistic? Does she have Tourette's? Or is she simply lacking enough spinach in her diet?
My husband and I took her to her pediatrician. The ped assured us that it was probably something she would outgrow. And proceeded to charge us $80 above the well-child visit for her referral to a neurologist. God love her.
Our experiences with specialists in the past steeled us against taking the first answer as the only answer. At one point with our youngest, a neurologist recommended that we sedate her and conduct an MRI to rule out any "syndrome" associated with her joint problems. I walked out angry and refused the test. As far as I can tell today, my 4-year-old daughter is as smart as a whip...and hilarious.
This time, we agreed on a simple option. We started our daughter on multivitamins and a magnesium supplement. After a few weeks, the sometimes wild facial tics began to fade to occasional blinking. When she is tired or has too much sugar, we notice them more. But we're maintaining a vigil for a few months before we consider a CT scan.
As for the anti-social behavior, I see myself in my daughter. I wasn't a team player for a long time. I liked being in charge...or being left alone. As I got older, however, my quirkiness turned to shyness and a defensive arrogance as my peers began to avoid me. I was proud of being smart, but didn't realize that I also needed to be open to the ideas of others. It was a painful road to that realization...one I prefer to make easier on my daughter.
So she isn't autistic. Just feisty and bossy. I can work with that.
Long story short. Before you panic and take the first piece of advice handed down by a teacher, doctor, a wiki or your mother, realize that you know your child best. Be strong. Be a champion for your child's best interests. You'll know the right answer when you find it.
Stay in touch with teachers and ask them to help you find those solutions. Talk things out with your spouse so you are on the same page. Above all, let your children know that you love them any which way they think, talk or walk. You're a team. You'll get through this crazy life together...with lots of patience.
And the occasional brownie.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)