Many thanks to Lisa Samalonis who interviewed me for BabyZone.com on how to avoid disciplining with anger.
She covered all of my stress personalities and my three magic elements of patience and included examples of real parents who owned up to their Old Yellers and Houdinis. It's a great article on managing anger and teaching children to be leaders, which is one of my main goals in this work.
Always exciting to get my message of patience out to more parents! Thanks Lisa!
Click on the title of this post or the link to read the full article. And give me your feedback.
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Kid Juggling
This week, my husband and I played a game called "kid juggling."
In this game, you juggle kids back and forth between each other as you arrive home and leave again for some work or personal obligation. The object of the game is to make sure at least one of you has the kids and no one gets dropped accidentally.
Have you had a week like this? Maybe you have entire months like this. I know many couples who are on opposite shifts and see each other only in the doorway or asleep in bed.
This is not a fun game to play. It is hardly a game you can win. And certainly not a good environment for practicing patience.
My husband, who is a band director, had something going on every night this week, from a board meeting to color guard practice, to shuttling students to a jazz concert at a local university, to assisting with new principal interviews. I am trying to work full-time between an office more than an hour away and my home office. My girls, 4 and 7, were scheduled in the midst of our schedules with school, a piano lesson, preschool and daycare. Did I mention that both my husband and I had bad colds?
Made me wonder what needed to give. And it was probably me.
When a 4-year-old has to get up at 6:30 a.m. and doesn't get to bed until 9:15, there could be something wrong with the family schedule. Thank goodness that isn't the case every day for my family, but it made me wonder if we had our priorities straight. Maybe I've taken on too many hours than are feasible for my family right now. Maybe a little less money in exchange for a little more home time and sanity is worth it.
Then again, any of us with full-time employment that is fairly secure should be feeling gratitude rather than wondering if we are sacrificing our children's happiness. Times are tough right now. Maybe all of us, the kids included, have to dig in our heels and do the best we can under less than ideal circumstances.
The fact that I'm worried about being a good parent should count for something. Your worries count for something too.
Just know that you're not alone. We're all struggling through each day with children...just trying to eke out a living and a life.
Kudos to the kid-juggling, hard-working parents out there. I'm right there with you.
In this game, you juggle kids back and forth between each other as you arrive home and leave again for some work or personal obligation. The object of the game is to make sure at least one of you has the kids and no one gets dropped accidentally.
Have you had a week like this? Maybe you have entire months like this. I know many couples who are on opposite shifts and see each other only in the doorway or asleep in bed.
This is not a fun game to play. It is hardly a game you can win. And certainly not a good environment for practicing patience.
My husband, who is a band director, had something going on every night this week, from a board meeting to color guard practice, to shuttling students to a jazz concert at a local university, to assisting with new principal interviews. I am trying to work full-time between an office more than an hour away and my home office. My girls, 4 and 7, were scheduled in the midst of our schedules with school, a piano lesson, preschool and daycare. Did I mention that both my husband and I had bad colds?
Made me wonder what needed to give. And it was probably me.
When a 4-year-old has to get up at 6:30 a.m. and doesn't get to bed until 9:15, there could be something wrong with the family schedule. Thank goodness that isn't the case every day for my family, but it made me wonder if we had our priorities straight. Maybe I've taken on too many hours than are feasible for my family right now. Maybe a little less money in exchange for a little more home time and sanity is worth it.
Then again, any of us with full-time employment that is fairly secure should be feeling gratitude rather than wondering if we are sacrificing our children's happiness. Times are tough right now. Maybe all of us, the kids included, have to dig in our heels and do the best we can under less than ideal circumstances.
The fact that I'm worried about being a good parent should count for something. Your worries count for something too.
Just know that you're not alone. We're all struggling through each day with children...just trying to eke out a living and a life.
Kudos to the kid-juggling, hard-working parents out there. I'm right there with you.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Mini-Vacations
Okay, so it's been a while since I posted. But my new goal is to post twice a week and to post a question at the end, so please keep me on my toes and leave a comment to motivate me!
I just taught a great class in St. Michael, Minnesota, with about 12 parents in attendance. It was my Introduction to Patient Parenting class. One of the questions I asked was how many of them took vacations.
Two raised their hands, a couple waved their hands in a noncommital way and the rest stared at each other.
I thought so.
So I asked the ones who had raised their hands whether they had vacations that involved doing nothing or that involved lots of activities. Uh-huh. They were just as busy on their vacations as in the rest of their lives.
Because our lives are so busy with children, our brains never have a chance to settle down from "fight or flight" beta waves. So I suggested to the parents that they take mini-vacations.
Sit for 10 minutes and look at a magazine. Stare out the window. Lay on your bed and close your eyes for 15 minutes. If you are afraid you will fall asleep, set the alarm. Listen to soothing music. Call a friend and laugh about how crazy your lives are. Go fishing. Take a walk...a slow leisurely walk. Write in a journal. Read from a book of quotations or poems.
These mini-vacations are just for you. So make sure the kids are in a safe place and then allow your mind to drift to a happy, sunny, relaxing space. Let your muscles relax. Close your eyes and breathe deeply.
This is not only healthy for your mind, but also for your body. It will counteract the production of stress hormones that surge through us each time we are worried or frantic about the next thing on our to-do list. It also helps you to practice patience because patience requires mindfulness...staying in the moment. My favorite mini-vacation? A bubblebath with my ipod cranked up. But I have to be careful not to get the ear buds wet!
You deserve some down time, too! So what's your favorite way to take a mini-vacation? Tell me about it.
I just taught a great class in St. Michael, Minnesota, with about 12 parents in attendance. It was my Introduction to Patient Parenting class. One of the questions I asked was how many of them took vacations.
Two raised their hands, a couple waved their hands in a noncommital way and the rest stared at each other.
I thought so.
So I asked the ones who had raised their hands whether they had vacations that involved doing nothing or that involved lots of activities. Uh-huh. They were just as busy on their vacations as in the rest of their lives.
Because our lives are so busy with children, our brains never have a chance to settle down from "fight or flight" beta waves. So I suggested to the parents that they take mini-vacations.
Sit for 10 minutes and look at a magazine. Stare out the window. Lay on your bed and close your eyes for 15 minutes. If you are afraid you will fall asleep, set the alarm. Listen to soothing music. Call a friend and laugh about how crazy your lives are. Go fishing. Take a walk...a slow leisurely walk. Write in a journal. Read from a book of quotations or poems.
These mini-vacations are just for you. So make sure the kids are in a safe place and then allow your mind to drift to a happy, sunny, relaxing space. Let your muscles relax. Close your eyes and breathe deeply.
This is not only healthy for your mind, but also for your body. It will counteract the production of stress hormones that surge through us each time we are worried or frantic about the next thing on our to-do list. It also helps you to practice patience because patience requires mindfulness...staying in the moment. My favorite mini-vacation? A bubblebath with my ipod cranked up. But I have to be careful not to get the ear buds wet!
You deserve some down time, too! So what's your favorite way to take a mini-vacation? Tell me about it.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Holiday Spirit
The holidays can feel like a lot of hard work when you have children. At least, if you think about all of the preparations as burdens on an already busy schedule.
Shopping, decorating, baking, sending cards, wrapping...whew! Who has time for that?
I know some people who work on these things throughout the year so that the to-do list isn't stuffed into a few weeks. If that works for them and they enjoy it, it's a great idea. Many of us, however, aren't so organized.
Let me make a few suggestions to lighten your load and allow some real holiday spirit to enter your home.
LET GO — Do you really have to send cards? Do you really have to make six kinds of cookies? Do you have to buy gifts for the five helpers in your son's class who you really don't know? No, you don't. If these things don't fill you with joy and excitement, let them go. Think differently. Send out cards to your loved ones on Valentine's Day when they aren't expecting them. Limit your gift list to people who have really made a difference for you this year. Play in the snow with your kids instead of the crazy, messy baking scenario. If your family and friends don't like it, they'll have to work through their disappointment.
DELEGATE — The holidays should be about teamwork. Preparing for guests and events all by yourself is no fun. Plus, what makes you think that you do everything better than anyone else? This year, my kids decorated our Christmas tree. They are 7 and 4 and did a fabulous job. Some ornaments were broken. Some things were on the tree that don't normally go there. But they had a great time and I felt a surge of gratitude. The same thing happened when my husband not only bought a lot of the gifts for our children this year, but he also wrapped them! He used duct tape, but who cares???
GIVE, REALLY GIVE — Feeling overwhelmed with the whole holiday scene, I decided to make a few cookies with my girls on a Saturday and take them over to the local nursing home during coffee hour. It wasn't part of an organized event. I don't have any family at this nursing home. I just thought it would put me in a more positive mood about giving.
I was reminded by this experience that giving from your heart really does give more back to you than you could ever imagine. Passing out cookies, visiting with the residents, watching the smiles on their faces as they watched my girls run around, singing a few carols with some Girl Scouts who were also there...it made my month. My girls had a great time, too.
If you can find one thing this year or next to do with your family that involves giving to others — not out of obligation but from true caring — do it! It's the best thing you can do for your family, yourself and the world.
Shopping, decorating, baking, sending cards, wrapping...whew! Who has time for that?
I know some people who work on these things throughout the year so that the to-do list isn't stuffed into a few weeks. If that works for them and they enjoy it, it's a great idea. Many of us, however, aren't so organized.
Let me make a few suggestions to lighten your load and allow some real holiday spirit to enter your home.
LET GO — Do you really have to send cards? Do you really have to make six kinds of cookies? Do you have to buy gifts for the five helpers in your son's class who you really don't know? No, you don't. If these things don't fill you with joy and excitement, let them go. Think differently. Send out cards to your loved ones on Valentine's Day when they aren't expecting them. Limit your gift list to people who have really made a difference for you this year. Play in the snow with your kids instead of the crazy, messy baking scenario. If your family and friends don't like it, they'll have to work through their disappointment.
DELEGATE — The holidays should be about teamwork. Preparing for guests and events all by yourself is no fun. Plus, what makes you think that you do everything better than anyone else? This year, my kids decorated our Christmas tree. They are 7 and 4 and did a fabulous job. Some ornaments were broken. Some things were on the tree that don't normally go there. But they had a great time and I felt a surge of gratitude. The same thing happened when my husband not only bought a lot of the gifts for our children this year, but he also wrapped them! He used duct tape, but who cares???
GIVE, REALLY GIVE — Feeling overwhelmed with the whole holiday scene, I decided to make a few cookies with my girls on a Saturday and take them over to the local nursing home during coffee hour. It wasn't part of an organized event. I don't have any family at this nursing home. I just thought it would put me in a more positive mood about giving.
I was reminded by this experience that giving from your heart really does give more back to you than you could ever imagine. Passing out cookies, visiting with the residents, watching the smiles on their faces as they watched my girls run around, singing a few carols with some Girl Scouts who were also there...it made my month. My girls had a great time, too.
If you can find one thing this year or next to do with your family that involves giving to others — not out of obligation but from true caring — do it! It's the best thing you can do for your family, yourself and the world.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)