Slapped in the Head

Monday morning. After dropping off my girls at the bus stop, I drove into my driveway and reached for the garage door remote. It was gone. It is normally clipped to my sun visor, but it wasn’t there anymore.

Keep in mind that it was 7:30. I was up at 5:30 that day and had already been to the gym, whipped up some French toast and gotten two tired girls ready for school.

No shower yet, and I was locked out of my house.

Did it occur to me that I had just used the remote to close the garage door before going to the bus stop? No. I was in full panic mode. It was easier to assume that my husband took it.

Pre-caffeine logic told me that perhaps his remote didn’t work this morning. In his haste, he grabbed mine…thinking that I would be home all day and wouldn’t need it.

I laughed a little and decided to forgive him, and drove to town to get my remote from his truck. On the way, I enjoyed a little holiday music. I patted myself on the back for being so patient. (“Yes, I am a good wife. I am very patient. My husband is fortunate to have such a patient wife. He should realize how patient I am.”)

It was a bitterly cold day. I got out of my car and flipped up the hood of my jacket. That’s when I felt the garage door remote slap me in the back of the head.

It must have fallen into my jacket while I twisted around to stuff lunch money into the girls’ backpacks.

I never got angry. It seems like that red monster is no longer a big factor in my life. It takes a lot to rile me up.

I didn't feel embarrassed either. I called up my husband and told him how silly I was.

But in the final analysis, it seems that two old dogs, Judgment and Pride, are still hot on my trail.

I immediately assumed that my husband took the remote and inconvenienced me — the residue of past wounds. And when I reacted with patience instead of anger, I felt soooo proud of myself. ("I am such a good and understanding wife.")

Phooey. No wonder I couldn’t find the remote. I was blinded by judgment and pride.

Whenever we think we know someone soooo well, judgment tells us to always expect the same result from them. People don't change, judgment says. We don't see evidence to the contrary because we are too busy looking for evidence to keep them on the naughty list.

And whenever we feel the slightest sense of superiority for our views, knowledge, talent or "selfless" acts …that’s pride, baby.

We end up blind, deaf and lame. Locked out of the house. Shivering in the cold and stinky from that workout.

After this latest misadventure, all I know is that I don’t know anything. Somehow there’s peace in the not knowing, the not judging, the not assuming. There is peace in seeing every person and experience with fresh eyes day by day.

Try it with your kids, your love, your friends or co-workers. It's more refreshing than a slap in the head!

GrATTITUDE on the Path to True Love

Minnesota weather has not exactly treated us kindly in the last couple of weeks. We could be fairly justified in our feelings of annoyance with a frigid fall and a very short summer.

And yet, how does it really hurt us? In Minnesota, weather is a fun topic of conversation that bridges all cultures and backgrounds. We never know what it will bring from one day to the next. Besides, when more than three weeks of snow or three weeks of heat hit us, many of us Minnesotans start getting antsy for change.

So hooray for crazy Minnesota weather!!!

On the path to true love, attitude is everything. You CAN make lemonade out of lemons. In fact, you can make a three-layer lemon meringue tart when you really get this idea of love.

Instead of my usual grumbling and depression about the cold this year, I was strangely surprised that it didn’t even bother me. Instead, I marveled at the beauty of the early snowflakes and got excited about wearing tights and fun boots. I thought about enjoying my canned tomatoes in chili and soups. I thought about all the indoor projects and writing I could focus on once the snow really falls. I thought about tubing and skating with my girls.

One of my friends asked me recently: “Are you watching too much Oprah?”

Nope, I just finally woke up from a long slumber of bad attitude. And WHAM! Gratitude hit me right up side the head. My mind and my life haven’t been the same since.

Case in point: The other day my husband and Nats went fishing. It was a pretty cold day, so I insisted on making them sandwiches and sending along some soup in a thermos even though my husband said I didn’t have to bother. But I did it. I stopped working on my computer, came upstairs and helped them get ready — cheerfully. Now I’m sure that many wives and mothers just do this because it’s the right thing to do. Many of them might even do it cheerfully.

Unfortunately, a couple years ago I would have probably sent them on their way without lunch — GRATEFUL that at least a couple family members were out of the house so I could work (or sulk or whatever I did back then).

This time was different. I made the lunch and I felt good that I could be helpful. When my husband got ready to leave for fishing, he gave me one of those long hugs that you feel in your bones and soak up like sunshine because it’s so sincere. He thanked me and said he loved me.

If I died today, I would die happy because of that hug. And THAT, my friends, is gratitude. No matter what comes your way, if you face it with gratitude and see the blessing (or important lesson) in each moment — your mind and life will never be the same.

It will be miraculous.