When my daughter came home from school one day and complained that a little boy was teasing her, I smiled and told her that the boy must really like her. I told her that the next time this boy teased her, she should say, "I know you like me."
This idea surprised her. She smiled herself and vowed to try it.
Contradiction can be an empowering experience. It is part of our path to wholeness.
I have a dear friend who is very good at sweetly smiling at people when they ask ignorant or probing questions. Her silence unnerves them. Her smile freaks them out. They awkwardly change the subject and look sheepish.
When people are looking for a great leader and they get a tiny, Indian nun, that is contradiction.
When people are looking for a huge sign that they are going in the right direction and they get an overflowing toilet, that is contradiction.
When people are filled with resentment and are confronted with love, that is contradiction.
When people want a way out and they end up digging a deeper hole, that is contradiction.
When people have to lose themselves to find themselves, that is a definite contradiction.
Consider one person right now who you are not very fond of, who gives you bad feelings and makes you want to spit or swear. Now replace those bad, damaging feelings with the image of a flower, a silent prayer for their wellbeing and success, an earnest wish for peace in their lives.
This is the ultimate contradiction that brings love and peace flowing into your own life. We are all children of a loving God and universe. We need to change our perspective or continue to suffer.
By the way, the advice I gave my daughter worked. The boy didn't tease her anymore. And she handled him with loving contradiction.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Praise on the Path to True Love
A thought for today: Count the number of times today that you praise your children for something compared to how many times you criticize them.
Now listen for words of praise for yourself compared to criticism from others. Criticism can come in the form of not saying anything as well as a verbal critique of what you have failed to do or how you've done it.
We are quick to criticize and find fault. We are slow to praise and see the good.
One suggestion for this is that we do not love ourselves and therefore we cannot truly love others. Our minds are filled with self-criticism for what we have done or failed to do, how we look, how we handle our lives.
To love and care for others, we must first love ourselves. That does not mean mirror-gazing narcissism. That form of self-love is damaging in that it closes the heart to others and leads to isolation and spiritual emptiness. No one measures up, including ourselves. We are constantly seeking the attention, pleasure or power that will fill us. We hate people when they fail to meet our emotional needs. Our love barely touches the surface of another human being, and eventually we feel nothing from or for them.
Here are the marks of true self-love: We are slow to anger with others. We recognize the good in them. We see life as an opportunity to serve our neighbor, not grudgingly or because it will get us something in return, but because it brings us joy. Our work is fulfilling because we know that it serves a purpose for others, not ourselves. Our friendships and relationships are respectful, honest and loving to the point that it would wound us deeply to hurt another person. We are grateful for any small kindness. We are moved when we see others acting with love.
We have nowhere to go, no one to be, nothing to get. We are enough. We were created to be enough.
If these traits are not true for you today,is it because the praise in your life is so much less than the criticism? Have you gone so far down the road that you are numb to any kind of feeling or concern for others?
Start on a new road with more praise and less criticism for your children, your spouse, your co-workers. Actively look for ways to praise others. Praise is contagious. It creates chinks in your emotional armor so that true love can come in. When you finally meet this love, no other will compare!
You will finally be free to love your neighbor as yourself.
Now listen for words of praise for yourself compared to criticism from others. Criticism can come in the form of not saying anything as well as a verbal critique of what you have failed to do or how you've done it.
We are quick to criticize and find fault. We are slow to praise and see the good.
One suggestion for this is that we do not love ourselves and therefore we cannot truly love others. Our minds are filled with self-criticism for what we have done or failed to do, how we look, how we handle our lives.
To love and care for others, we must first love ourselves. That does not mean mirror-gazing narcissism. That form of self-love is damaging in that it closes the heart to others and leads to isolation and spiritual emptiness. No one measures up, including ourselves. We are constantly seeking the attention, pleasure or power that will fill us. We hate people when they fail to meet our emotional needs. Our love barely touches the surface of another human being, and eventually we feel nothing from or for them.
Here are the marks of true self-love: We are slow to anger with others. We recognize the good in them. We see life as an opportunity to serve our neighbor, not grudgingly or because it will get us something in return, but because it brings us joy. Our work is fulfilling because we know that it serves a purpose for others, not ourselves. Our friendships and relationships are respectful, honest and loving to the point that it would wound us deeply to hurt another person. We are grateful for any small kindness. We are moved when we see others acting with love.
We have nowhere to go, no one to be, nothing to get. We are enough. We were created to be enough.
If these traits are not true for you today,is it because the praise in your life is so much less than the criticism? Have you gone so far down the road that you are numb to any kind of feeling or concern for others?
Start on a new road with more praise and less criticism for your children, your spouse, your co-workers. Actively look for ways to praise others. Praise is contagious. It creates chinks in your emotional armor so that true love can come in. When you finally meet this love, no other will compare!
You will finally be free to love your neighbor as yourself.
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